Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
