She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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