god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
