The maid of honor just puked.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
