rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i was born a porn star she said
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
