i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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