the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
