need another drink. this is the easiest way
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
