so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
where are my eyebrows?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
