the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
