Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
