apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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