Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
