So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
