ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize