you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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