I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
