Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
