One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
