I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
