do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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