i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
