I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
