Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
