i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
