I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No subtext here. People are naked.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
