I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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