oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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