He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
