So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
