everyone is single if you try hard enough
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
