she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
