She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
