it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
