dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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