Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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