just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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