i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well I just put wine in my tea
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
