just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
