I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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