She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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