i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
