you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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