I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
