Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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