I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
