have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
