I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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