wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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