my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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