That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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