FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dignity is for republicans.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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