Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize