my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
