I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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