4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
