Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You were trust falling into bushes
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