he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize