In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
