I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
