We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
