ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
