yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
