im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
