i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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