you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize