I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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