I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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