I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
