It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
